Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
