after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
