yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
