someone threw a dead crab at me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
