I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
