hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
