Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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