yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
