I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize