I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
