i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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