Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
