I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize