The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
