You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
