Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
