i just wanna soil my oats bro
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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