We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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