i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
