Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
