we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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