Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
