1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
