Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i drank out of a bidet.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
