And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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