Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
