Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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