Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
