I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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