i can't believe i had my finger in that
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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