oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
