He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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