I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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