i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
