its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
