Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
