first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
