i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
