i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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