not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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