Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
