He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
