non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize