that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
