Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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