No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize