It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
