Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
