Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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