I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
