He felt like a one man threesome
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
