I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
