Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
