i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
