I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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