When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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