I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
