How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
