Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
