I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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