she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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